Why Who You Are Matters More Than What You Do
Culture eats strategy for breakfast.
We’ve all heard that line, but have we really stopped to think about what it means?
Peter Drucker gave us that phrase, and I believe he was right. But I also think Emerson was on the same page when he wrote, “Don’t say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.”
Your culture is who you are, and who you are speaks louder than anything you plan to say or do.
I was recently on a call with a client, and I told them a story about Chewy, the pet food subscription service. If you’ve ever had a pet die, you know that canceling your automatic pet food delivery probably isn’t the first thing on your mind. So that next shipment comes, and only then do people cancel.
Here’s what Chewy does. They refund the customer. Tell them to donate the food. And then, a few days later, they send flowers.
Yes, it’s a good business move. These are animal people. They’re probably going to get another pet, and they’ll remember the flowers. But that’s not the point. The point is, that’s not just a tactic. That’s culture. That kind of empathy doesn’t come from reading a “customer delight” manual. It comes from the organization’s DNA.
And this client I’m working with? They don’t have a big development program yet. They’ve never leaned into donor engagement. But they do have a strong service culture. When someone calls to cancel due to a crisis, they don’t just say “okay.” They show up with compassion. They lean in.
So when we start talking about donor gratitude, personalized thank-you’s, going the extra mile, it resonates. It makes sense. Because it’s already aligned with who they are.
And that’s what I mean when I say culture eats strategy. You don’t need a better script if your instincts are already right. If your culture is built on care and gratitude, the fundraising strategies will stick because they’ll feel natural.
Gratitude Isn’t a Technique, It’s a Way of Being
If you want to be a better fundraiser, start by becoming a more grateful person. Seriously.
Gratitude is the soil. Fundraising grows out of it.
I try to live with that mindset in the everyday stuff, like at the coffee shop. When my drink’s ready and they call my name, I make eye contact with the barista and say, “Thank you so much.” Not because I’m trying to impress anyone. Just because I really mean it.
My son, during the one month he tried public high school, made it a point to be the last student out of every classroom. He’d stop by the teacher’s desk and thank them for the class. I didn’t tell him to do that. He just did. And when he told me, I loved that. Because that’s culture.
And if you’re not naturally grateful? That’s okay. Work at it. Gratitude is a muscle. You can work it out and it grows.
Overthank your spouse. Leave a big tip at lunch. Write real, handwritten thank-you notes. Not texts. Not emails. Letters. Pour your heart into them. Practice showing gratitude in the small, everyday interactions, and watch how it changes your relationships with your donors.
Because if your donors don’t feel like they matter, if they feel like walking wallets, they’ll go somewhere else. But if they feel known, appreciated, genuinely seen, they’ll stay.
When someone gives to your organization, they’re not just giving money. They’re giving a piece of their life. Their money is stored-up life energy, hours worked, time spent, sacrifices made. And they’re handing that to you to do something they believe matters.
That’s sacred. And it’s why great fundraising isn’t built on clever strategy. It’s built on deep, genuine respect for the people who make it possible.
So before you ask for that next gift, ask yourself, are you asking because you need the money, or because you believe that giving will bring the donor greater joy than keeping it?
That’s a real gut-check question. And it’s worth asking every time.
Want to build that kind of donor-centered culture?
We’ve launched the Clarkbot, an AI-powered tool that sounds just like me (which still feels a little wild). It’s a great way to get help navigating donor conversations, prepping for asks, or just staying grounded in gratitude and relationship-centered fundraising. And if you like it, you can upgrade for unlimited access, monthly coaching calls, and a printed bundle of our most-requested resources. It’s available 24/7. It doesn’t get tired. And it never makes you feel like you asked a “dumb question.” (Because there’s no such thing.) If you’ve ever wished you could run something by me — but didn’t want to wait for a call or send one more email — this is for you.
Try it now and grab your bonuses before September: https://billing.delphi.ai/memberships/majorgifts
I think you’re going to be surprised by how natural, helpful, and confidence-building this experience can be. I can’t wait for you to try it.
Thanks for letting me speak into your life and your career. It’s an honor I don’t take lightly.