If you’ve spent any time cultivating donors, you’ve probably been there: you finally get your donor to commit to a visit, maybe it took months of scheduling, and then they show up with someone you didn’t expect. A spouse, kids, or even a friend. At first, you might feel a little frustrated. How are you supposed to dive into those strategic questions when there are extra people around? How will you get to the heart of your ask if you can’t have a private conversation?
I’ve been there myself, many times. When I worked at the Reagan Ranch, hosting donors was about more than a tour. It was a donor visit set against the backdrop of history, President Reagan’s chair, his bookshelf, even his waterpik toothbrush in the bathroom. Those things weren’t just curiosities; they were conversation starters. They helped me understand what mattered to my donors, what shaped their worldview, their values, and ultimately, their giving philosophy.
But when donors brought family or friends along, the conversation inevitably shifted. It wasn’t the quiet, focused donor visit I planned. Instead, it became a shared experience, more about connection than about strategy.
At first, I might have been bummed. But I learned that these moments are just as important—maybe even more so.
Why Bringing Guests Can Be a Gift, Not a Setback
Think about it: When donors bring their loved ones, they’re inviting others into the story of your organization. They’re sharing the experience with people who influence them, people who might become champions themselves someday.
I remember a time in Guatemala working with Cultiva International. We had donors visiting communities where chronic poverty and malnutrition are everyday realities. Their kids were along for the ride, and I asked them, “Do you have any guiding principles that govern how you decide to give?”
That question wasn’t just for the parents. It was for the kids too. Hearing their parents talk about giving out loud planted seeds—maybe those kids would grow up with a different understanding of generosity.
Sure, when friends and family come, you might not get as deep into your strategic questions. But that’s okay. Because slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.
Skipping steps might seem like a shortcut, but it usually just slows you down. When a donor brings a guest, you’re adding a step to the process—an extra layer of relationship-building that can only help long-term.
And those guests? They often become co-laborers in your cause. I had a client whose donor brought a friend on a site visit. Weeks later, the donor and friend were still talking about it, sharing the mission with others. That friend became a champion too.
Good fundraising is about stacking up these shared experiences and interactions over time. It’s not just about the big ask in a quiet room. It’s about building a community around your mission.
So next time your donor shows up with a friend or family member, don’t see it as a setback. See it as an opportunity. Your donor wants to share their passion—and that’s a sign you’re doing something right.
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